she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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