Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
