He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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