Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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