I'm really into asian looking animals
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
