new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
