i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
