On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
