Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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