Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
