dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
