I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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