I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
