There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
