At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
