exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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