I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
