Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
