Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
