Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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