I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
