I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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