i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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