Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
