god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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