What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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