well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
