Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
