So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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