fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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