you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
