their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
