1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
