College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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