So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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