its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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