Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
