saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
