Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
