She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
