Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
