I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
