I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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