Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
