So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
