I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
