im having a threesome with these popsicles
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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