just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
