what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
