i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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