i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize