How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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