i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
