I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
