I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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