hell yes lets make some ravioli
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
