Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
