I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
