I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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