He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
