white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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