are you still at the devil's house?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
