i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
