she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
