I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found your dick twin last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i've created a new STD.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
