Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
