He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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