You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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