Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
