"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
