you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
smell my finger.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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