she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
