You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
