She bit a glass in half.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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