Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
